Derailed
Posted on September 20, 2007
Filed Under Parenting |
Like many dads, I’m always on the lookout for fun, creative ways to bond with my kids–something I rarely experienced with my own father. However, this particular “great idea” backfired–big time.
I had just dropped off my wife Jean at the Denver airport and was returning home with the boys when a stroke of inspiration struck me like a freight train. Come to think of it, a southbound train adjacent to the interstate sparked the idea.
Noticing the massive string of railroad cars rumbling towards Colorado Springs on our right, I said, “Hey guys, why don’t we get ahead of that train, put some pennies on the track, and watch them get flattened?” Cheers erupted from the back seat.
Trent is our resident scientist. He loves to understand how things work. Glancing in the rearview mirror, I could see he was studying the pace of the locomotive as it pulled a few hundred cars in its wake. 
I was pretty sure Trent was processing a host of questions like “How flat would the penny get?” or, “Would we still be able to see the face on the penny after it was smashed?”
We outran the train and, having reached a safe distance, we crossed over the tracks onto a dirt access road. The boys eagerly placed several pennies on the track before retreating to wait by the car. Minutes later, the train sped by . . . car after car thundered past us as we guessed the fate of those pennies.
Without warning, the brakes screeched as the train came to a stop. We were trapped between the tracks and some private land on the west side. There was no where to go and nothing to do but wait. And wait. And wait some more.
The minutes turned into an hour. The kids were hungry and growing impatient. Trent began to cry. His younger brother Troy wondered if he should, too. Frankly, I wasn’t exactly pleased with how things were shaping up. I called the emergency number posted on the crossing sign. I was told they were making every effort to get the train moving again . . . which they did after two hours.
After making the call, one of the boys blurted out, “Dad, this is the stupidest thing you’ve ever done.” Set aside, for a moment, the fact that this was the first time I’d heard him use the word “stupidest.” His pronouncement stung. My heart was in the right place . . . how was I to know the train would decide to call a siesta right in front of us?
As for the use of the word stupidest, I had to consider what parental discipline was called for . . . perhaps a time out? Then again, we were all sitting in time out. Nix that. What about hot sauce on the tongue? A spanking? A grounding when we got home? All of the above?
It occurred to me that what they needed most in that moment was a loving embrace, a patient response, and a demonstration that we’d be “okay” in spite of our circumstances. You know, when life deals you lemons, make lemonade. Noticing a nearby pond, I decided to pass the time skipping rocks with the boys and talk things out.
There’s a time for discipline when children speak harshly, no question. But there’s also time to shepherd their hearts in an understanding way.
How would you have handled things?
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Jim Daly is the President of Focus on the Family. He has been married to his wife, Jean, since 1986. They have two sons. The Daly family resides in Colorado Springs. Finding Home represents Jim's musings on work, family and faith.
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The burning question for us all is, “What happened to the pennies?” Obviously, the train got moving. Tell us in another post.
“Stupid” is one of the off limit words in our household that warrants discipline at age appropriate levels. I haven’t heard my kids utter the word about anything except humans. Maybe we nipped it in the bud.
In our teaching on the topic, we’ve gone to Proverbs and talked about the qualities of a fool. Of course, it was only a matter of days until my son blurted out, “Dad, Jerry is such a fool!”
All I could do was chuckle. My son was right.
I hope that under the same circumstances, I would’ve embraced my son instead of enacting the family rule. Good job.
And tell us about the pennies!
How do you know the pennies didn’t cause the problem? (I’m assuming from your post that there is no such thing as a “stupid question” . . . )