A Living Nightmare
Posted on August 21, 2008
Filed Under Orphan Care |
Those who knew Chandler Grafner described him as a sweet and thoughtful little guy. He was shy, yet tender in spirit. The kind of boy who would pick flowers for his babysitter. 
Which is amazing considering how Chandler’s brief life was nothing short of a living hell. By the time he reached age seven, Chandler’s home life was nothing more than a revolving door of unconventional living situations. His mother, Christina, bounced around between a number of men, including a stint with boyfriend Jon Phillips with whom she bore another son, Dominick.
Not long after Christina’s relationship with Jon failed, Christina lost custody of her boys amidst charges of neglect. Jon and his new common-law wife, Sarah Berry, agreed to care for Chandler and Dominick. In May of 2007, life went from bad to worse for Chandler.
According to published accounts I’ve read, for reasons that are not clear Chandler was locked in a tiny closet where he was left to defecate in his pants. Worse, Chandler was ultimately starved to death while trapped in that dark prison. When paramedics were called to the apartment in South Denver to resuscitate Chandler, he weighed just 34 pounds. He died of cardiac arrest.
Last week a jury took about three hours to convict Jon of first-degree murder and fatal child abuse. I don’t know about you, but when I read stories such as this I’m grieved–and angered. It’s beyond me how anyone who calls themselves a father could willfully starve a helpless child to death. My heart also breaks over what Chandler must have experienced. I cannot fathom the fear this precious child felt during the final hours of his living nightmare.
While the overwhelming majority of foster home environments involve parents who lavish love on needy children, even one child raised in a home with abuse is unacceptable. I’m sure you’d agree that every child deserves a safe, loving place to call home. A place where they can laugh, play, learn, grow, and thrive as a young image bearer of God.
Against the backdrop of Chandler’s tragedy, last week I flew to Atlanta to participate in the work of the World Children’s Center (WCC). This fine organization believes that “no child should be denied the most fundamental of human rights–to be fed, sheltered and educated.” To that end, they have an aggressive ten-year plan to construct a 710 acre community to house and care for children ages 2-8 who are orphaned, homeless, abused or neglected. I especially resonate with their mission since it dovetails with my personal story.
While it’s too late to do anything for Chandler, there’s an abundance of opportunities–such as partnering with WCC–to see that what happened to Chandler never happens again. Let me also say that if you find yourself overwhelmed with the difficult task of parenting, please contact us at Focus on the Family. We’re here to provide resources that can help you and your family not just survive, but thrive.
Comments
3 Responses to “A Living Nightmare”
Leave a Reply
Comments are moderated and will not appear on jimdalyblog.com until they've been approved. While we are eager to facilitate conversation by publishing most comments, we may withhold one from time to time if we deem it offensive, vulgar, overly personal, cynical, disrespectful, irrelevant, redundant or unnecessarily contentious.
Comments on Jim Daly’s blog may not refer specifically to any current electoral candidate, or any measure on a current ballot – at any level of local, state, or federal government. Focus on the Family is a non-profit 501(c)(3) entity, and therefore cannot take a position on specific votes. Nor can we display any such statements on our Web sites. Likewise, we cannot discuss here the personal viewpoints of people like Dr. Dobson or Jim Daly on political candidates or ballot measures. Any posts to this forum which violate these rules will be removed. There is an alternative venue for this type of discussion. Some activities of this nature are undertaken by Focus on the Family Action, a 501(c)(4) organization, and its media outlet, Citizenlink. Citizenlink maintains an Election Forum of its own, where political discussions are allowed and welcomed so long as they comply with the posted guidelines.
Finally, if you would like to contact our ministry directly, please feel free to do so from one of our FAQs.
Jim Daly is the President of Focus on the Family. He has been married to his wife, Jean, since 1986. They have two sons. The Daly family resides in Colorado Springs. Finding Home represents Jim's musings on work, family and faith.
-
Recently Written
-
Categories
-
Monthly Archives
-
Blogroll
-
Subscribe
Subscribe in a reader
© 2008 Focus on the Family. All rights reserved.
First, I would like to say that I love your organization and pray that God continues to bless you guys. I have been in the social work field for many years, but each case of this sort is just as heartbreaking. However, I was not sure if Chandler’s placement with Jon was considered a foster home. This is because foster homes are usually families who are licensed and trained by the state to care for children. Children who are placed with relatives or someone who had some type of relationship with the child is usually considered relative placements, kinship placements, etc and are not usually considered foster homes. Nevertheless, every state is different. Also, I read above about plans that the WCC to construct a community and do believe you when you talk well about this organization. You did not give a lot of information about the plans mentioned,however, please allow me to say something as this subject is also very dear to my heart. I have always been a little concerned about children who are orphaned being cared for in one particular area as it appears to be more of a restrictive environment instead of the children living with loving families in regular communities. If the area is restricted for children who have those areas of need, as they get older (i.e. school age)they may not want to identify themselves with being affiliated with that particular living area if it is known to service children with those areas of need. I see this happen a lot in my career while working with children with these issues. Most of these children do not want others to have a clue that they are living in alternative placements because they do not want to be singled out. Nevertheless, I have been listening to your broadcast for many years and have read your books as tools to help my husband and I to raise our own boys, therefore, I trust your information on this. May God bless you all and may the help that is provided shows the love of Christ.
T.P.
As an adoptive mother of 4 seriously abused and neglected boys, I understand the need for safe places for children more than you can imagine. Part of the very serious problem we face today is the crisis with Child Protective Services and the courts attempting to act as parents. It may surprise many to know that the abuse and neglect that my children suffered was worse out of the birth home (to a single mother who aged-out of foster care herself) than it was under her care.
Today, courts and therapists, and probation officers attempt to focus the raising of children on what they value. In all therapy there is bias. When that bias is in conflict with parental values, a power struggle often ensues.
We are in the midst of such a conflict. The abusive situations these boys were in taught them to seek comfort through inappropriate sexual means with each other. Now, as therapy and probation, and the courts have failed, they are looking to try and undermind what we have built in our Christian home. With no accusations or charges against us, and with a statement from the Bench that identifies that we have not caused any harm and in no way contributed or allowed the behavior, we have been ordered to have a mental health assessment.
We desperately need a family rights ammendment to preserve our God given responsibilities and rights to dictate the care of our children when we are not breaking the law. Now, the system is attempting to undermind the safegards we have put in place to preven such behavior from reoccuring - and the probation officer has already done so by contacting their rehab providers and demanding that they be ‘trusted’ to make safe decisions with no supervision. That goes against the rehab, good sense, and sound judgement. We believe in a stand of ‘No More Victims’ and we are being over-ruled by a system created to foster deviant behavior so that there is a growing need for more therapy and more probation officers and more Child Protective Services workers even though the ‘intervention’ of these faction has caused only harm and no help.
Please be careful in rushing to change things based on a heart breaking story such as the one above. There is already far too much government trying to interfere in the family unit and its ability to function and place God first. Also, be cautious of all the hype to put ;Children First’ as that is directly contrary to the Word of God. God is first, spouse is second, children are third - that does not mean that they are not important, but children are in a family to learn and grow - children should not ever dictate to the family. Today’s youth think nothing of threatening false accusations and Child Protective Services intervention to get what they want. Remember, children are born into sin. It is up to families to provide training, love, and support and show them the power of God’s family.
Placing the ‘needs’ of children above the needs of families is a blind attempt to do good for a Christian, but is a blatant attempt to undermind the family as God established and ordained it by the world.
The story of Chandler is too horrific to even imagine. I have been a teacher for 23 years, and this story unfortunately is not uncommon. I have always felt that the system to protect children, is overworked, and lacks guardrails for those who do not do their jobs correctly. An example of this, I taught one of two brothers in Georgia, whom the state took legal custody of, but left them in the care of their mother. I called their case worker to come and talk with me at school about some concerns for my student. When she arrived in my classroom, I could easily tell that she was unaware of which of my students was her case. She presented in her own writing all these contacts with the home, the children, etc.- bascially with an arrogant attitude. When she left my room, my student, her case, asked who she was! I reported this, and the system promoted her two weeks later! These children are so lost in the system often, that those of us who are actually a part of their lives- are helpless. All I can do is report, but they do not have to tell me anything, and my life becomes a nightmare for my student(s) as I watch and feel their pain. This of course is the minority- but no matter it is unacceptable! We need to revamp the family courts, and the departments of family and children services.